10am is nearing and you know what that means. Montel will be appearing on my television shortly, and instead of crossing my fingers in hopes that Sylvia Browne will not be the guest, I have decided to mute and write.
Dear Finance who denys interest in this blog o'mine,
Because I refuse to be one of those women who buys and hides, I am writing to let you know in advance that a pair of Choco sandals will be arriving to our doorstep which I will promptly shove in the dark corner of my side of the closet in hopes that you won't notice. Because as you so kindly pointed out the other night when I had casually mentioned that I was bidding on a pair...'oh great, because those chocos will do you lots of good this winter'. Now, I know you don't understand the concept of buying things you don't have an IMMEDIATE AND DIRE NEED for RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT, and obviously I haven't quite grasped the concept of 'Just Because You Have the Money To Spend, Doesn't Mean You Should Be Spending It'. I also know you can't quite wrap your head around 'swooping in on a great deal'...please understand, that it needed to happen. Just trust me on this one. Also, I want you to know-- that I KNOW... that I am not working two part time jobs on top of my 9-5 to pay off the 2,000 dollar citibank credit card bill for the retainers I HAD TO HAVE to correct the slightest shifting of two teeth in my mouth that no one notices but me---to buy choco's and birkenstocks...and Nine West on EBAY. I also know, that WE (as in ME. you know WE usually means YOU, but this time, it is all ME) had a little 'Ebay problem' last winter, but it passed...as will this relapse. I also want you to know that I do remember telling you a few months ago after I had purchased 5 new pairs of shoes at the Perisian Semi Annual Clearance Sale, and you weren't that impressed with all the money I had SAVED on those Enzo's that were 75% off....that I was 'officially' done buying shoes for the year. But you see, something happens on Ebay. I think when you sign in, the screen emits toxins that cause temporary black outs. So, I just want you to know, because I know it's coming...that I have already looked into and found a group. They are called Spenders Anonymous. Here is what they say:
The Twelve Steps of Spenders Anonymous
1) We admitted we were powerless over spending and money and that our lives had become unmanageable.
2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care God , as we understood God .
4) Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.
5) Admitted to God , to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6) We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7) Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8) Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10) Continued to take personal and financial inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God , as we understood God -praying only for knowledge of God 's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive spenders and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
So in summary, it looks like this can all be blamed on my 'defective character'. What a relief however, that it's not too late to make ammends for all the damage I have done and then perhaps God will save me! AMEN!
your loving financee
~s
p.s. for the record...the choco's retail for $95. I NEEDED (think NEED like you driving two and half hours to go climbing every weekend--because if you don't you'll turn into some freak ADD child that makes random terret like noises and acts as though sitting on the couch and watching tv were akin to donating a kidney) a pair for our trip around the world. I saved $35 dollars by getting them on Ebay. Oh, and did I tell you about the 1,200 dollars I saved by choosing the bluegrass band to play at our wedding instead of the 5 piece jazz band?
o.p.p. wasn't the dinner I cooked for you last night FABULOUS?!!!
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