1 whose name is Ocean.
2 has a brother named River
3 has a sister named Praire (FUCKING) Wind. You heard me.
4 aspires to be an 'Erotic Artist'.
5 takes pictures of other naked chics for his 'portfolio'.
6 masturbates more than once a day.
7 whose excuse for excessive masturbation is to build stamena.
8 buys you sex toys for your flippin birthday (when dinner would have been just fine).
9 has a firefighters uniform, just because.
10 has a strobe light, a black light, and a disco ball in his bedroom regulated by a CLAPPER (Clap on Clap off...).
11 buys you 3 dozen roses THE DAY AFTER VALENTINES DAY, because they are cheaper.
12 When you drive by the 'OK Cafe' on your way thru Florida, he's not kidding when he says 'Let's go!'.
13 stages a 'photoshoot' involving you, and a 4 foot blow up Oscar Meyer Weiner hot dog. And you think to yourself 'I am so special'.
14 whispers into your ear one night 'I want babies with you', to which you reply 'but we're not even married?', to which he replies, 'who cares?, all you need is love!'.
21 drives a car that was manufactured in 1969.
15 leaves the top 4 buttons of the classic Thrift Store/Quido/Pimp shirts HE ALWAYS WEARS, UNBUTTONED revealing his 4 pathetic prepubecent chest hairs.
Hillary, anything you'd like to add here? My god, blog people..the two of us, could write a book about dating the infamous 'Water Boys'.
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