Within months of dating Finance and I were living together and sharing a 'joint' checking account. Since both of us bring in roughly the same income, it was easy to determine individual contributions to that joint account. We created a budget and living as a couple became easy to do as all our joint expenses: food, entertainment, mortgage, insurance, savings, vacation, gifts, taxes, utilities, were accounted for. Then of course there is a much smaller portion of our income that is our own to manage as we see fit.
Finance and I come from two very different upbringings, having learned to value money differently. When I wanted things as an adolescent that my parents wouldn't pay for, I went out and got a job. From the age of 15, I learned that all I had to do was earn my own money and then I could have the things I wanted. I would never have to rely on someone else, and I would never have to hear the word 'no'. I never liked 'no' very much. Who does? So I always had money, and I always got the things I wanted by working for them. I had the money to pay for all the those frivolous things my parents thought were unnecessary. Like a limo ride to the school dance, or an expensive dress, or school trips, etc etc. When I went away to college I was afforded the opportunity to learn and live for four years on my parents dime. My tuition and books were paid for. I was given a stipend for rent, food and utilities. And yet, I still worked all through school. Sometimes holding two jobs at a time. Not to contribute to my needs, but in order to entertain my wants.
Finance grew up learning that he could have the wants, but not before making contributions to 'his' needs. This is huge.
As an adult I quickly found my way into credit card debt after college. I never learned that I would have to sacrifice some wants, in order to have was really important to me, and therefore, there is this missing link that occurs when I am confronted with making a purchase that I really cannot afford. And not in the sense that there isn't money available to make the purchase, but in the sense that purchasing that 'thing' will cost me, down the road.
I am the financially irresponsible one. Without question. And my anxiety + OCD + ADD (lions and tigers and bears OH MY!), all make it very difficult to control the urge to spend. Not only is it compulsive, but it makes it very difficult for the people around me, who want to see me have the things I want, determine what is really iimportant to me. Because oftentimes, like a dog who has just dropped his bone to move in on another dogs 'toy', in no time I will likely be on to something else, and the 'thing' that I REALLY REALLY wanted 10 minutes ago, is long forgotten.
Finance gleefully declared, while going over business figures with Vern last week, that 'One year I lived off of 8,000 dollars!'. And I believe it. To him, it is almost a challenge to see how little he can get by on. Purchases to him require way more thought than they ever have to me. When he buys something, he has thought it through, done the research, and has the money lined up to do so. When he buys something, you know - without question, it's a big deal to him. I on the other hand, am like MRS. PACMAN. I want everything (and I want it now, not tomorrow), and buy everything, and when something comes around that I really really want, but can't afford, I look to everyone around me to help me figure out how I can get it.
This all makes for an interesting dynamic when it comes to negotiating the things we 'value' as a couple. For Finance it has, and will always be a matter of his money affording him TIME. He would sooner sleep on a dirt road for a month, if it meant he could spend more time traveling. Which brings me to my next point.
As the Big Trip is nearing...we are realizing how much more interconnected, and affected we will be by our financial choices, and just how many financial decisions we will have to make on a day to day basis, that we've never dealt with before. And it will be interesting. To say the least. He worries I will have blown our 'load' within 6 months of drinking the most expensive wine and insisting on the finest hotels, and I worry that we will be sleeping on dirt roads and begging for food for a year. We are both clearly paranoid - obviously while on our own those might not be ridiculous propositions, we know eachother well enough to know that neither of those scenarios would 'fly' with the other. We also know through experience, that anytime we discuss hypotheticals, we get way off course...and at the 'point of contact' we find our goals are one in the same.
They always say that one of the biggest catalysts for dissolution and disconnect in a marriage is Money. And I believe it. I am also an example of how important it is to teach your children financial responsibility. What they learn as young adults, and they learn from their parents, is critical. Because I can't tell you how challenging it is to learn those values as an adult.
So my message to you today is, prepare your children to be financially responsible. Teach them to save. Teach them to donate. Teach them to make contributions to the family. Teach them the importance of taking care of needs before wants. Allow them the opportunity to manage their own money. Give them room to make poor decisions, and pay the consequences, before sending them out into a world eager to loan them money at an interest rate of 23%. It will be one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
