She's got my nips in a pinch, and forcing me to do this. For her...
I am predictable, honest, curious, passionate, creative, anxious, excitable, picky, and very happy with my life.
I want Martha Stewart to come do a feature on my wedding in Montana for her magazine.
I wish that my dog would put his lipstick away for 5 minutes. I wish my mother would just pretend to be interested in my life. I wish that my father hadn't smoked so much, drank so much, and gotten cancer and died at the age of 55. I wish he hadn't remarried and left behind a 6 year old little girl to grow up without a daddy. I wish that I didn't have anxiety.
I hate the sound of dogs licking, sucking, chewing, or gnawing themselves. Or eachother.
I miss my dad's voice.
I fear...(oh god this could take awhile). I am on anti-anxiety medications. Do you really want me to go here? I didn't think so.
I hear Regis and Kelly Rippa.
I wonder if I will get pregnant someday. If I will ever miscarry. If I will have fertility problems. If we will survive our trip around the world. (IE: avoid bodily injury, plague, infectious disease, terrorism, bus accidents, etc etc). Where we will call home when we return. How the wedding will be. What Finance will look like in his little outfit.
I regret spending 2,000 to get retainers to move a single tooth that had turned...a bit.
I am not shy. Or quiet. Or very accomodating.
I dance to Booty. Think: Pony, Ginuwine; Get Money, Junior Mafia; My Boo, Ghosttown DJs; Thyow, Zae; Whatzup Whatzup, Playa Poncho; Let Me Clear My Throat, DJ Kool; Back That Azz UP, Juvenille; Hypnotize, B.I.G; Only You, 112; Been Around The World, B.I.G/Mase; Can't Nobody Hold Me Down, Mase.
I sing to that booty music.
I cry when I try to understand my relationship with my mother. When I think that my father is dead. When my anxiety overrides my rational thinking. Whenever I watch Extreme Home Makeover. If someone I really care about misunderstands me. When I think about saying goodbye to everyone and leaving for a year to travel.
I am not always on time.
I make with my hands beautiful scarfs and shawls, blankets and hats and stuff. I make jewelry. I make invitations and take photographs. I make lots of gestures.
I write to feel important. To feel heard. To feel understood. To make someone smile. To make someone laugh. To keep my mind less cluttered.
I confuse myself, often.
I need attention. Projects, activities, new experiences. I need friends. I need stability, honesty, and patience. I need recognition. I need yarn.
I should spend less. Give more. Take vitamins. And keep my mouth shut.
I start things and don't finish them.
I finish my dessert ALWAYS.
