You are about to receive a gift of mammoth proportions. 36 inches X 36 inches to be exact. It is pink and brown and all shades in between. It is made up of almost 1000 yards of tiny threads. You know...as in, 10 football fields. Of yarn. That had to be tied into teeny tiny little loops.
The inspiration came some 4...5...6 months ago when I thought it would be nice to send you a little something for having a human being extracted from your body. It was supposed to take me a long weekend. Remember? I came down to visit...there was talk of some great gift you'd be getting...that was 'in the works'. Yah. Well. I'll have you know that I clocked at least 8 hours of Knitting and Driving. I'm pretty sure, as a result of the straining, the 'Floater' in my left eyeball is back . Thanks.
When you get this package, please go find a happy place. I want you to think about the almost 20 years we've known each other (and I say just 'known' instead of 'been friends'...because I'm pretty sure your eyes were scribbled out in my 1989 yearbook...it was not a good year for 11 year olds in general). When you open it, you must fall to the ground like you just picked the 1million dollar briefcase on Deal or No Deal.
You see...because this isn't just any 36 X 36 square. And don't even think about calling it the 'b' word. Because it is ART. It is a masterpiece. One that will never be duplicated. Perhaps not even for my own children. EVER. Not ever, ever, I don't care if you have 2 more children, ever. Just telling you now, so there's no hard feelings, you will be getting the $15 dollar one at Marshalls that was made in China. Probably in a sweat shop.
Which brings me to this very letter. As, I have been staring at my masterpiece for days...weeks...MONTHS now, contemplating the very idea that you could possibly ever wrap your head around the hours of cramping fingers and blurred eyes that ensued every time it would take 3 hours straight to make a half an inch worth of progress. That you could fathom the level of CRAFTSMANSHIP and dedication required for a project of this caliber. It's unmatched. Really. That puppy is Antique Roadshow quality.
I must confess, for a minute, I was going to make you a replacement. Something out of the 'Last Minute Knitted Gifts Book'. You would have never known I pulled a switcheroo and I could go on living the rest of my life without the fear that 'it' would someday wind up in the 50 cent bin at the local thrift store.
But I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. The ART must go forth. Unto you and yours. And so help me god, if it ever makes it in the Salvation Army bag (ORRRR the hand-me-down bag to the friend of a friend who just had a baby yay!), I will send you a invoice for pain and suffering. Or, at the very least, 1000 yards worth of the most expensive yarn I can find. In fact...this is ridiculous. Screw the baby. Put it in a museum grade shadow box, throw it on the wall and let's just call it a day. She'll never know, and we will all sleep better at night.
Love,
Your best friend S.
