Finding Zen

Better Off in Denial

Have you ever eaten something someone passed along to you, because you were really REALLY HUNGRY, and didn't think to ask WHAT exactly it was...but it looked good...and smelled alright...and as you ate it you thought to yourself  'i think thats turkey...but i'm just not sure...and that must be mayo....', and then the horrid idea that perhaps there is some SEAFOOD in there creeps into your head, because, well, the writing on the Styrofoam to-go box does say CALIFORNIA, and you can only think CALIFORNIA ROLLS...which would mean something raw...and you scarf it down and sit back and your stomach begins to rumble, and you email the kind giver-of-food to say 'hey thanks so much for lunch, WHAT WAS IT?', and anxiously await a reply knowing that if she emails back saying TUNA!, you are probably going to hurl?

In other news.  I begrudgingly took Zack out for INDIAN the other night.  And here is the best part...I LOVED IT.  It was Chicken Mughlai.  This is milestone news people.  My nose literally rubs up against my forehead at the mention of CURRY.

Pebble Bottom

We're not quite down to rock yet, but its come to this folks.  So much for that degree!

You'd hire me if you were loaded right?  Hey.  My names Chuck these days, and I'll pick up your dry-clean.  I don't even care!  Creative, intellectually challenging work is overrated. 

And it gets even better...I have an "interview" for a MODELING gig on Monday for a print ad brochure for a Spa here in town.  Maybe they want me for the BEFORE picture??? LMAO.

Hey, who knows, Modern Bride could be my launching pad onto the catwalk eh?  Highly unlikely at 5'5".  The CEO lady said, "We like your look".  I assume what she meant was, the 20'something-showing-early-stages-of-aging-and-hey,-she's-CAMPY! look?  And no, I won't be taking my clothes off.  Believe it or not, I clean up alright - which is why I worship that one photo of me, because I NEVER look like that but like to remind myself that I could.

Oh Mama, look at me now!  Baby's all growed up and whoring herself to a modeling agency hoping they'll make her the next BOTOX covergirl! 

Move over Gisele, I can stuff quail feathers in my bra too!!!

Sicko

Holy shit.  Zack and I finally watched this film last night and 24 hours later, I am still reeling.  I am appalled.  Seriously, just...can't get over how completely effed up it all is. 

What kind of a country treats its own this way?  How can we ever possibly care for each other as a nation, when the 'deciders' have to consult their bottom line before determining if its in their best interest to pay out?  How do you live in a country where your LIFE, your health, is contingent...period.  I just can't conceive of being afflicted by some devastating illness, myself, or anyone in my family, and to have someone else deny us care or make it so expensive that it cost you everything you had. 

It's so ass backwards.  Then all the stuff about time off, and 'leave' and oh I don't know, god forbid you get cancer like dude, get through it and maybe want to just LAY LOW for a couple weeks before you go back to work.  I mean isn't it an amazing concept to think that the more preventative care you provide people the LEAST LIKELY they are to need more of it down the road....or the less financial burden you impose on people, the more healthy and productive they are likely to be? I seriously am embarrassed to be an American after watching this film.

Unbelievable.  I  feel dirty. Zack and I pay our own healthcare to Blue Cross Blue Shield.  We pay lots and lots of money.  And I don't want to pay another dime to those bastards.

This country has its head stuck so far up its ass, there is no way we'll ever have Universal healthcare.  Like they said in the movie, and I believe its true, the reason why other countries aren't this way is because the people would never allow it.  They aren't afraid of the government.  Ours has us all by the balls.  Government of the people, for the people....MY ASS.  More like 'of the rich, for the rich' - and whatever it takes to make more money! 

And we are so moving to France if Obama doesn't win.  Or maybe Canada will do.  I am sicko'ed to the max.

Before Black was Goth

There was Robert Smith and The Cure.  And black was just cool, dammit.  Especially BLACK EYEBROWS and blonde tendrils at the Christmas Formal when you are 14.

This is Antonio.  My first love.  My first kiss.  And my first heartbreak.  And I will learn all the words to Pictures of You and look at this picture 8,000 times as I wail into the night "i've been looking so long at these pictures of you that i almost belive that they're real i've been living so long with my pictures of you that i almost believe that the pictures are all i can feel.."  I'm really excited he agreed to go to the formal with me.  Can you tell?  No one has EVER touched my boob before, and I might just let him if he wanted to. Okay, who are we kidding...there isn't really much of a boob yet to touch...but I'm down, if he's down.  Turns out he's just not into me, or my boob.  I think maybe he's just intimidated by my eyebrows.  We were 'going out' all of maybe 12 days.  And when he left me started ignoring me, the only person who could console my fragile broken heart was Robert Smith.  God bless him.

   

And this is Darren two years my senior at my Junior prom.  He has about as much of a shot at getting lucky as Mr. Stoned Chucks from the year before.  Later that night, he would check us into a Travel Lodge (with another couple friend of ours) and then LEAVE ME in the middle of the night to 'go see about something'.  He never came back.  I sat up alone in my queen sized bed sipping Boones Farm Strawberry Hill while my friends made-out in the bed next to me.  It had to be the dress...

PS.  As if Modern Bride wasn't enough ego-stroking...NieNie is doing some more.  I've asked my agent Marley to hold all my calls this afternoon, so just give me a few days to let this soak in - it's just a bit too much today, you know, being (air quotes) SELF-EMPLOYED and all.

Love Me Some Jackass!

A year ago a friend of mine fell love with a farmer.  An alpaca farmer.  Who might as well be THE alpaca farmer of the south.  This friend, whom is affectionately known here at Zen as Cornholio, is not a knitter.  But knowing that I am, has been begging me to come check out the farm she now calls home, and the new man in her life.  David.  A year later, I finally get to meet David and The Farm.

Vern and my friend Fran and I went to visit last Saturday.  Boy was it a trip.  I was so impressed.  My little (and I mean..were talkin maybe 100lbs wet) Cornholio was out there wrestling alpacas twice her size, wiping eye gook and goobers and all!  She was dirty and focused and totally in her element.  Cornholio has found her home and I am so happy for her.

Now David...talk about someone who knows his shit.  This man has got an impressive operation going on, on all of about 5 acres at that.  He's got water buffalo and alpaca, donkeys, some of the most incredible birds...it was amazing.  'Wicked smart' and cute to boot!  I can see why she's so smitten.

So here we have some of the gang.  These guys were a trip.

 

I'm thinking of framing this one for the bathroom to go next to the sink.  It may help to remind me to floss.

A bit scraggly eh? I'm thinking The Dark Crystal.

Check out this girl on girl action.  The one on top is a lesbian.  Strange story about her...I don't recall the details, but she likes the girls.  Alpacas have sex orgasms for like 15 minutes.  And that one on top was there for at least that, gruntin' and all.  David told us one of his buddies says when he dies, he hopes to come back as an Alpaca.

Isn't that just precious?

This poor girl was wide as a trailer.  And you could see the baby donkey moving around in her - it didn't look comfortable.

Here's the one Vern wanted to smuggle into the Outback.  Those donkeys were like dogs.  Sweeter than any horse I've ever met.  Very curious.  So affectionate.  And this is a rare breed David is trying to restore.  They are gorgeous.  Now you better think twice before you call someone a Jackass.  How could that sweet little baby face ever be the reference to a insult??

David, Deb, thank you so much for such a fun and informative day.  We really enjoyed your farm, and plan to come back soon!