Here is a picture BOSSY posted on her blog from our little gathering last night. I must confess, that this picture really just says it all for me. This is Amber and her 18yr old Dude-"friend". Cannot remember Dude's name because both BOSSY and I were in such awe of the sheer radiance that was the arrival of Amber from Knoxvull. And since BOSSY has way more sense COUTH than I, I'm just going to come right out and say it because it needs to be said - and I am okay if you need to be all... "Like, Oh-mah-gah!, Becky, I can't believe she just said that!". We'll all get over it and the spade will still be the spade.
Amber has the most awesomest boobs I have ever seen in my life. I felt like a teenage boy - or perhaps, Dude, from the moment she sat down. Amber did you notice? I hope not. And I won't go into great detail about it, other than to say that if I ever find myself in a doctors office for a set of them, I want hers. If I had those, I'd never leave the house. I'd insure them. I'd charge Zack admission to see them. I'd only sleep in silk sheets, wear French bras and I WOULD NEVER RUN AGAIN. I'm just sayin.
With that out of the way, I can move along. To Dude. But not before I say this one last and more substantial thing about Amber. I have met few people in my life who can short circuit my most unattractive tendency to SPEAK OVER PEOPLE. To do the whole 'me my mine!' thing. While rare, it is actually possible for me to SHUT MY PIEHOLE. And Amber made me Shut The Fuck Up last night. Fascinating. We all must go forth unto Amber's blog-o-sphere. If it is 1/2 as interesting and engaging as she was in person, you will enjoy it - I'm sure. Okay. On to Dude.
HE SMILED LIKE THIS FROM THE MINUTE THEY ARRIVED UNTIL WE ALL LEFT. JUST. LIKE. THAT. And YET, he hardly said a word!
It was the sort of smile that made you think:
a) can i just put Dude in my pocket so i can pull him out on occasion and be reminded that life is friggin SWELL? (He was SO CUTE!!!)
orrrrrrr,
b) there MUST be something going on IN Dude's pocket! And it's probably because Amber's boobs are so awesome.
I mean for christsakes. Guy got dragged into a 3 hour road trip to visit the Vagina Monologues at a bar where he can't even get a goddamned PBR and was probably thinking to himself the entire time...
"I better be getting a blow job for this".
(And don't EVEN TRY and get all freaky over this...because in case you didn't get the memo, THEY ARE ALL ALWAYS thinking that - and if you don't believe me, I'm sorry to have to tell you but you're in denial.)
I had to say it. It is too spot-on to ignore. I've never seen anyone smile that long who was clearly on the shitass end of someone else's good deal (ahem...that would be you Amber! - Ms. Saving On Gas Money). You need to keep that one close. He's a keeper. And you both were awesome to meet.
Now. On to BOSSY and crew. To the ladies - it was a genuine pleasure to have the opportunity to connect with some of my very own neighbors! Thank you to BOSSY for introducing us to one another, and for including us in her great adventure. I also want to thank you all for humoring my inner FRAT BOY long enough to fake a smile as I chugged an Irish Car Bomb with the waiter. You all are clearly more intelligent than I, with real jobs, and childrens, and sponsibilities. And I...evidently preoccupied with channeling WILL FERREL.
You all had good boobs too.
BOSSY. You feel like an old soul to me. I look forward to a time when we can visit (sans swolled toes and schedules and OnStar BOSSING BOSSY on to the next destination) - I wish you all the energy, stamina, and endurance you will need in these coming weeks - with the hope that your journey falls nothing short of all that you had hoped it would be. You are a brave woman with great intentions, and I think what you are doing is pretty awesome.
GOOD LUCK. SAFE TRAVELS. AND remember...
Those Bugle Chips - just prop those puppies in the eyelids, get a little shut eye - and you'll be in San Francisco before you know it!
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