Finding Zen

It's A Period!

A few months ago I was taking a walk and passed a home with a mailbox full of ITS A BOY! balloons.  I was in right in the middle of a meditative chant intended to open the channels of communication between myself and my reproductive system.  Something like:  "Ovulation, yea-yea, stimulation, yea-yea, procreation yea-yea, ovulation stimulation procreation YEA! **JAZZ HANDS**"  I got home, peed on a stick - the chant didn't work.  And that was the last time I would sing the Ovulation Procreation song to myself.

I told Vern later that day how frustrated I had been to see the neighbors ITS A BOY! balloons.  That upon seeing them I had a strong urge to run back home, grab a knife, and slash them all - accidentally.  And then it came to me.  I needed balloons too.  Only, mine would declare:  ITS A PERIOD!!!

Maybe people would bring me cookies and pies, and frozen casseroles?  Having a period is exhausting.  I could get a few days off work (oh right, I'm unemployed),  a sponge bath and some flowers.  Now you tell me that isn't brilliant?   My infertile bretheren, holla.  You deserve a fucking period balloon.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!  Off to have another round of pig and a mac n' cheese facial.  Everyones doing it. 

A Merry Ov-erry Chrimah

Christmas came early this year.  And while I wish that that meant I were pregnant, I have learned to appreciate that sometimes forward-progress is as good as anything. 

As far as we know there is nothing wrong with me or Zack.  All the non-invasive tests performed months ago came back within 'normal' ranges.  I have a slightly elevated TSH level, which means my thyroid might be a little out of whack - and my Testosterone levels are high (which explains my inner-Sasquatch).  Outside of that, I do ovulate on my own, maintain a lengthy enough post-ovulation period to sustain implantation, and have somewhat regular cycles.  Zack drops enough kids at the pool and last we checked, they aren't using kickboards to do their laps.

The one thing that we do know that could be a factor in my delayed fertility, is that I ovulate later than most women do.  Average ovulation is around Day 14 of a cycle.  For as long as I have kept track, I ovulate anywhere from Day 18 to Day 23.  For all you 'layman' what this means is that my eggs are getting shot out of their follicles on a Little Rascal.  They old.

This happens when the fluid surrounding the egg in the follicle isn't 'ideal'.  The follicle will not release an egg until its ripe.  So to speak.  Something Traditional Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture do is help to restore hormonal balance to the body - which affect how well certain systems communicate in order to orchestrate ovulation.  My acupuncturist has always said it would take about 3 months for the work we began in month 1 (with herbs etc.) to begin to see changes.

I do not believe it is ironic that for the first time EVER, this month, I have ovulated on Day 15.  PRAISE BE TO JESUS!

One Christmas I got a crimping iron.  I didn't leave the bathroom for a good week because of the new endless possibilities in hairstyling.  This was the time of Jelly shoes and Electric Youth perfume and choreographed dance routines to the Pointer Sisters and the Flashdance soundtrack.  Jump, for my love.  JUMP IN!  You know my heart, can fill you up!

Today - 22 years later, I am 'in the bathroom' giddy with excitement over the possibilities in my fertility with Day 15 eggs!  It's the little things.