Finding Zen

30 Weeks

 

 

It's Alive. IT'S ALIVE!!!

 

It's official. I've swallowed a contractor to have a look at my pipes - and he was at work ALL NIGHT LONG.  He must have checked the electrical box at the end of the tunnel, about 20 times.  My toes curling with each faulty flip of the switch.  Or perhaps that was just a jab to my cervix.  Over and over and over again.  I half expected to catch a beam of light shining between my legs from the glow of his headlamp.   And I'm actually double checking the floor length mirror this morning as I go by, to be sure an arm isn't dangling out of my crotch waving a white flag.  Or to hand me an invoice.

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?  Suddenly I feel as though there is no room.  My little fish in his fishbowl who gives me butterfly kisses has morphed into a full grown man with a tool belt, and chronic hiccups, and not enough overhead light.  He was so busy last night I just laid there in awe.  Wishing he would go to sleep.  He didn't.

So this is the third trimester.  I can only imagine what these late night activities will feel like in the remaining 10 weeks, as he gains another 4..5..6...pounds.  Oh my.  The lack of sleep doesn't bother me so much, but the sensations are straight up - fucking weird.  In a pelvic exam from the inside out sorta way.  In a cross your legs so the human being inside you doesn't fall out sorta way.  That is some kinda kegel I don't know about.  Yeah, you go try and carry a bowling ball across the room with a wet paper towel and see how fun that is.  Watch your toes!

Abandoned at 28wks

So maybe not quite ABANDONED...but it just had a nice ring to it.  Melodrama is my favorite coping mechanism.

The boy has left for Montana for 10 days and I have been having a rough go of it this afternoon.  I'm mainly just flat out jealous (I don't get paid time off work and we sorta need the money about now) and not used to spending that kind of time away from him.  I have felt a rush of emotions I hadn't really anticipated - and trying my best to get over myself.  Because seriously?  Is there anything more unattractive than a 30 year old pregnant woman crying because she has to be alone for a few days?   I do have Marley - although the gas is pretty horrendous.

I'm just amazed I don't know what to do with myself.  As if it will be any different than when he is here - I just realize in this moment how much I'm going to miss him.

So here I am at 28wks (tomorrow - but he took the good camera so i had to sneak this shot in).  I feel great.  Physically.  I have the occasional aches and pains, but nothing to complain much about.  12 more weeks to go - and I just hope that this third trimester goes easy on me. 

Leaving you also with an extra shot (ive posted before) of our cabin view in Montana.  This is the heaven we love so much...and also a good photo explanation for that 'jealous' bit.