Finding Zen

8 Months

Seed,

This month you are Taterbud.  You have cut two teeth and are pulling up on everything.  You are still taking 3 naps but some of those naps are finally lasting longer than 30 minutes.  Let's be real, you aren't the best sleeper - however, you are beginning to extend your night sleep.  'The books' all tell me that up to 9 months some special babies may still require up to two night feeds.  You are special indeed.  But lately you are sleeping through one of those feeds you typically woke for.  While I have always enjoyed our nightly visits -  I think your sleep is more important and I'm glad you are getting it.  I on the other hand will never sleep more than a 3 hour stretch for the rest of my life.  I think you broke my internal clock those first few months, but thats okay - I don't want to miss anything.

You are so beautiful and happy and full of light, everywhere we go people are drawn to you.  They say 'Is he always this happy?'.  Yeah, pretty much.  Unless you are teething or sick or godhelpus, both, you are that happy.  You make my job really easy most days.  The bad days are just bad for all involved - it comes with the territory.

Your favorite toys are:  Plastic grocery bags, straws, coasters, coffee sleeves, our running watch, keys, cell phone, pill bottles, hair brushes, any of our toiletries, I caught you gnawing on my flip flop this morning, the ruler, tape measure, foot pedal to the trash can - pretty much everything but the things that have been purchased specifically for you. 

Here you are being all cute.  I love you buddy.

 

7 Months

Your penis works and you are crawling.  In that order.  I'd say these are noteworthy milestones - so there you have it.  I just wish your penis worked less when I am either a) making eye contact with you...or b) touching you.  Or worse - both.  Please stop that.  Because there I am standing there looking all awkward and nervous like an owner whose dog is taking a deuce right in the friggin middle of the sidewalk.  It's the little pink elephant.  I meant, the BIG! GIGANTIC! MAMMOTH! pink elephant, in the room.  I realize this is just a necessary part in the evolution of your 'man-ness' and whatever the hell - but just do me a favor and keep the cap on your lipstick buddy.  I'm not ready for that.  Like, ever.

Moving right along.  Your are crawling!!!  You've been miserable for the last few weeks trying to figure this out and it seems as though you have finally discovered that your knees can support you, and take you places!  You are pulling up on everything and love being on your feet. 

You eat everything.  I've yet to introduce a food that you didn't care for, but you get most excited about avocado and yogurt.  Plain yogurt at that.  You chew well and hardly ever choke or gag on anything.  You don't seem bothered with varying textures and are generally easy to please in the food department. 

You are about 17lbs 4oz.  Around 50th percentile in weight and height, and your head is ginormous.  75th percentile.  But I think you have the sweetest punkinhead and so does everyone else.   You are very pretty.  So pretty infact, that everyone thinks you are a girl.  It probably doesn't help that your wardrobe is the very definition of "Eurobaby". 

No teeth yet but every other day you seem to be crawling out of your skin.  You WAH WAH all day long in my face.  Good times.  There are several bumps on your lower gum and I suspect any day now these puppies will be coming in. 

You still wake twice at night to feed around 11pm and again at 4am.  The rest of the night is pretty smooth going.  I am happy to get 4 hour chunks of sleep.  Thank you. 

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways, that I can't get enough of you.  The other day I was listening to NPR - they are having their Spring fundraising drive (which makes me crazy), and this designer woman (Paige Davis) was on talking about the shows she loves the most and why NPR is important blah blah blah - and they played a clip of Bob Edwards Weekend Edition (I think) interviewing his mother in which he is telling her how much he respects her and appreciates her and then he gets all choked up, and she gets choked up, and OH MY GOD BECKY just slit my wrists.  Because there I was in the car, with you in the backseat, just bawling into my coffee.  So let me just tell you this right now - you HAVE TO THINK I AM THAT COOL when you are grown man.  I NEED for you to be that guy. That guy that cries telling his mama how much he loves her.  On National Public Radio.  Because really Punkin Seed - listen up - there is nothing greater in this life than the relationships you will have with the people you love, and who love you.  And nobody will ever love you more than your mama.  It's a fact.  Sorry.  I GREW YOU IN MY BODY.  The day you were born I left that inflatable pool of water for about 30 minutes to visit Jesus long enough to ask him "WHAT.  IN.  THEE.  HELL!?"  And just about the time I thought surely I would die, you emerged.  It took me like 5 whole minutes to open my eyes and look at you.  But it was nothing, really. 

So.  I will do my part to be cool.  You do your part to be sentimental.  And we can grow old together and sip wine (or perhaps some Scotch?) as we watch the sun set outside my yurt on top of a hill in the mountains.  In your back yard.  And if your partner has a problem with that, they can kiss my butt. 

Love, Mama.

4 Months

Oban you slay me.  You really do rock my world.  I think I have told your granny Vern about a million times how I am so smitten by you.  Seriously.  You are the greatest joy of my life these days! 

You smile ALL THE TIME.  Your toothless grin greets me every morning and I just want to gobble you up.  Like even this morning -  when I came to get you out of your crib -  I discovered you in your sleepsack totally soaked in piss.  And poo.  Yes.  You done shat yourself and you laid in it and talked to yourself for about a half hour around 5am and I thought to myself from my room...'my he is chatty!'.  Then you grumbled and went to sleep.   Despite your rankness you beamed those gums at me as my heart plummeted to the floor and I had my first real taste of mothers guilt.  Shit happens.

Today as I tried to rock you to sleep you kept smiling at me and I tried so hard not to look at you - but every time I let my eye stray to see if you were nodding off, there you were - gummin' me.  I got the giggles so bad and you kept laughing at me.  You are becoming so much more aware of how you can get a reaction out of us. 

December (month 3) was awesome.  We were all sleeping.  These two facts are mutually exclusive.  January (month 4), mmm...not so much.  But you started to roll - almost off Vernies kitchen table actually.  From your back to stomach.  You are really good at that move - its the other direction that stumps you.  So you are sleeping most often on your stomach these days, and have most recently figured out that moving your hands from underneath your face is more comfortable.

You don't talk so much but are very observant.  Perhaps this means you will be more like your dad (we can only hope).  The talk more/observe less trait, is not as cute.  Just ask him.  You LOVE the bouncy swing.  This is where you do your talking if you have anything to say.  And its a lot of "mmm mmmm'ing".  So I'm hopeful your first word will be Mama.   

We finally freed you from the straight jacket swaddle.  Cold turkey.  We also let you cry for the first time ever.  But there is a whole series longer than Fantasia dedicated to that, so we don't need to go there right now.  Just know this.  We always made sure your water dish was full.

Honestly I don't think it's possible for me to love you any more than I do.  I just love every day and all the happiness you bring to our lives.  I'll end this with a few random notes...

*This is the sort of thing that I used to hear other breastfeeding women talk about before I had you and all I could ever think was 'ugh! barf-o-rama!'...and now I totally get it.  Okay, so you do this thing now with your hand when you are nursing - you are sorta petting me with the hand that is on top...and it is the sweetest most gentle thing in the world - it makes me weak.  I don't ever want to forget that feeling.  (You used to just knead my poor-once-voluptious bosom like pizza dough, which while very sweet and all - was getting a bit old).

*You have basically, no hair.  It's very fine and sticks straight up.  But as you were nursing the other day the sunlight hit your head just right, and I noticed this ONE LONG ASS HAIR towering over the others.  It was easily twice as long.  I couldn't figure it out.  Like how does that happen?  It reminded me of the wiley hair that sometimes grows out of one of your dads nostrils and creeps on over and up into the other nostril.   Hello WEIRD!  I trimmed it for you so it doesn't mess with your balance.

*We think you are teething.  You are drooling and chewing on everything. 

*You are hitting the 50th percentile in everything.  At about 4.5months here, I think you are about 15.5lbs.  We'll find out for sure at your Well visit tomorrow - where you'll get some more shots and look at me like I have ripped your soul straight out of your little body.  Can't wait!

3.5 Months

You met some of your relatives for xmas and it finally happened...(this would be the side of your family that doesn't call anyone by their real name) you were affectionately called - Obi Wan.  I can live with that - here's to hoping you can too!  Just know, your father was listening to NPR the other day and no joke there was a dude on named Harry Balzer - so it could be worse.

You still have no hair.  I may be responsible for this.  But again, your name isn't Harry.  Last name Balz.  So bald is just fine.

We all got sick with a cold around Christmas and it sucked.  You are still recovering and have been generally fussy for the last week.  You went from sleeping 3 very reliable nightime shifts (8-1a, 1a-4a, 4a-7:30a) like buttah...and with little to no peeps in between - to being generally miserable all night long unless you have a mouth full of boob.   I hate to see you so unhappy and I will be glad to see you shake the crud completely. 

You have The Clam.  This is all your mamas side.  Sweaty, clammy feet.  Good times.  We aren't sure though where you got your fingers and toes - but your Granddaddy Buck thinks they are his.  This is funny because you two have no blood relation.  You have a fairly large booty.  That is all your dad.  Go figure. 

I think you are the cutest damn baby ever conceived - and for the most part you are so pleasant natured.  You smile at everyone and your flirty faces just slay me.  How on earth we ever made it this far without you, I do not know...

Here you are - slowly getting more stable in your Bumbo seat.  I could just eat you up.

My 10wk Old Punkin Seed

You will be 10wks old on Monday.  We all have taken to calling you our "Little Punkin Seed"and none of us are quite sure why or how that came to be.  I'm sure you think this is your name.  Your social security card arrived in the mail the other day, and you will be relieved to know - it does NOT say Punkin Seed Pitts.  You are Oban.  Pronounced "oh-ben" - and for the record, I petitioned for the spelling OBEN - so every time you get "OHH-BAN" in your life, you can thank your dad for that.  And your Uncle Tate. 

Here is the back-story for your name.  Oban is a cute little town in Scotland your dad and I spent some time in while we traveled the year after we got married.    Okay so that's a lie.  The truth is we never made it to Oban.  We were staying at this fishery near a beautiful fjord on the west coast of Ireland called Lenaun.  The morning we were leaving we ran into some Brits we chatted it up with.  We told them we were heading to Scotland and the recommendation was to visit Oban.  The postcards look really cool.  I promise.

The honest to goodness truth?  You will appreciate your names origination when you are in college - until then your friends parents will just think your dad and I are really pathetic and they'll feel sorry for you.  Fast forward to a few months before you were conceived.  We were having a beer at a local pub playing the name game (which your dad HATED - he totally wanted to name you SHONDOR.  you can thank ME for that veto).   We looked up on the large chalk board behind the bar with its list of fine whiskeys and saw the name Oban.   We reminisced about our travels and how we never made it there - but my, what a cool name!  We could name our boy Oban!  Your dad was sold, and I never could convince him any other name would do.  You would have been Max.  Just like the other 20 kids in your class.  So yeah, you are named after a whiskey - but a FINE WHISKEY - we would never have named you after a shitty whiskey. 

So just do yourself and us a favor - and hold off on that explanation until your 21.  (okay fine, 18 - we all know you will have one of those nasty malt beverages before then).  Until then you can just say "It's a Scottish name, and my dad's side is from Scotland".   Which is the truth.  So there is your non-alcoholic version.

Moving right along.  You are so awesome.  I'm going to get really mushy here - you can deal with it.  You are seriously the coolest little man - I feel so lucky every day I have to spend with you.  You are so beautiful and so sweet, and your smiles just melt us all!  You have doubled your birth weight and the doctor says you are doing push-ups like a 4month old so we have to start really watching to be sure you don't dismount your changing table while we dispose of your stinky butt diapers (which are cloth, thankyouverymuch to all the naysayers who were placing bets on how long it would take for me to give that up).  Your dad would love to get you a kayak for xmas, but I'm thinking it may be a little too soon for eddys and back-deck rolls. 

The first month or two was really TOUGH.  Until you starting flashing us those smiles, I really struggled with feeling connected to you.  Fortunately you are surrounded by so much love with our family and friends - you never made it out to the recycling bin where I thought about leaving you once or twice.  Please forgive me.  You will understand this one day when you have children of your own. 

But we're past that now - and its allllll good!  We made it through the gauntlet! And you still have all your toes.  Amen.  You are healthy, happy, growing like a weed, and the light of my life.  You made this Thanksgiving the best ever.  Maybe next year we'll let you suck on a turkey leg.

I love you the most.

Yo Mama.